Jive | Emo Dojo
Jive | Emo Dojo

Episode · 1 year ago

Personal perspective and parental estrangement

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

John Emotions talks about what he's recently learned about his skewered perspective of himself after a recent survey of his peers; Parental estrangment and how we set examples for our kids; updates on voice acting and NFT projects

Album art is EMODOJO #4, available as a 1 of 1 NFT at emodojo.art 

Hey now, welcome back to Emo Dojo. I'm johnny emotions. Thanks for being here, thanks for letting me in your head once again. Today I'm talking about individual perspective and estrangement. What. What are all these things? Here's what it's all about. Okay, so you know. Now I got to give you an update on the on the voice coach and the nft stuff. Real quick, real quick. So the NFT thing, if you've listened to other PODCASTS, I'm lit up on that Shit right now. I'm man almost like hypomanic about it. Trying not to be, I'm just really excited and it keeps me up late at night, not too late, a little bit later than normal. But long story short, the NFT timing thing is now. If you are a creative person, you need to get your ass into nft's just do it. However, you can not listen to me, go listen to other podcast. I'm not an NFT podcast, of course, but it well, here's the thing. Explaining an NFT to somebody, or even cryptocurrency or any of that stuff it after a while. It feels like maybe back in the day when they tried to get all the people to turn in their gold for paper money and the people that held gold to like you want me to give me, give you my gold for that piece of paper. Now you're fucking you're fucking nuts. No fucking way, and I think a lot of people right now, forgetting those lessons of the past, think the same way of cryptocurrency. They're like what, you want me to trade in my piece of paper money for an imaginary pixels on a screen? Yes, that is exactly what is happening. So a couple of things are converging. Then the timing for NFT's is now. I need to focus my commitment on that also. I started to do my homework for my voiceover instructor. The particular voiceover instructor I had chosen is into long form nonfiction books, nonfiction. I love it. In fact that's most of what I consume. I read and listen to long form nonfiction books. Well, as it turned out, I can't sit in a booth for more than ten or fifteen minutes before I get really antsy and I lose focus and there's just no way I can do long form anything. So I am going to put this particular voice coaching session on hold and look for something else and well, here's a strange thing would happen right. So, in building an NFT team of local artists,...

I met with one of them who does a bunch of work for a big government agency, let's call it creative work, and they use voiceover talent pretty frequently short form stuff like quick explainer videos and things like that. So when we met up to talk about NFTS for Brunch on Sunday, he gave me a list of like five local voice agents, voice talent agents, to check into and also one to avoid completely. So I thought that was cool and kind of fortuitous in that same sense that once you decide to go in a direction, things tend to align for you. So anyway, I'm going to not do the vocal coaching for long term long form. I'm sorry, narration. Going to focus specifically on nfts and then shopping for more local jobs in the voiceover field, like for car commercials and things like that. That sounds like a blast to me. I'm not going to do one right here on this because you know me and I'm embarrassed in front of you, but if I have a script and I know it's for somebody else that's not you, yes, I can read the shit out of a car commercial. So that's the angle we're going for there. The nft thing is pretty amazing. I'm want to not talk about it anymore. You'll figure it out. If you're into making money or a living, you just got to give yourself a chance. Imagine now if we were back like eight years ago and you had the money to invest in Bitcoin and now you just got all kinds of it right. Well, a similar thing is happening now with NFTS, except the cost to entry is not money, it's your creative talent. And if I know anything, I know most of the people that, well, almost all of the people I know that are diagnosed with mental illnesses or disorders. They're creative people. Of course, that's not to say all creative peoplele are mental, but it is to say all the mental people I know are creative, and I think a lot of that. The older I get in the more wisdom I gain, I think a lot of feeling out of it, feeling mental, feeling disordered or even ill, has a lot to do with you simply not being in alignment with the Shit you're supposed to be doing with your life anyway, and I know it's hard in a capitalist world to like be a creative person. The whole you know, trope of the struggling artist and whatnot has been around forever. Well, maybe not struggling so much anymore. Maybe this is the revolution. Maybe this is the rise of the creatives and it came on so suddenly. I don't know if most people have even caught on. It's really wild and it's a fun rabbit hole. There's some great podcast I listened to a new one is called proof. Just look up for the proof podcast. I think their website is proof dot X Y Z, which you'll find is pretty common in the crypto world, the XYZ subdomain or web...

...domain. Another one I like a lot is called nft. Now, so if you're a creative, for God's Sakes, please go look into nft's right now and, you know, you might be able to do something that you've always wanted to do your whole life and actually make a living, or a great living. Now, I'm not saying that you know it. Eventually it's going to become like any other thing that's cool and fun. It's going to be like, oh well, there's too many, there's millions, there's millions of you. Everyone wants to be in a band, you know, or everyone wants to have an nfte or a podcast or whatnot, but NFTS are different. I feel it in my bones. I'm a huge evangelist about it, which is funny because I don't really know shit about them. I just know I'm an artist and I know that that's a way to lock in creative value for evermore. So, backing up to the voice coaching thing, I had gone through a lot of the coaches course work, you know, doing my homework and all that. One of the things they talk about is your personal brand. So much like if you're in a band, the record stores of the old days or even, you know, modern streaming services need to know what category to put you in. Is it rock? Is Rb Urban, contemporary, country, EDM? All that. Well, in the voiceover world, first of all you need to pick a category or a genre, for example, long form nonfiction. That's a thing. Car Announcers, commercial announcers explain, or videos. Those are all different types of voice work you can do. But you still have to brand yourself. You have to be specific. So the questions in the course work I was taking ask things like you have to find out what's your personality, and then you know what's your physical presence and what's your vibe. So what I did, based on his description of those terms, because I put up a survey monkey, survey monkey, I put up a survey, a monkey form. What's the survey monkey form? It's a survey. I put up a survey on the Internet and sent it out to a bunch of people that have both known me for a long time, since high school, and also people that know me now and are with me every day. And here's what is super weird and super fucked up to me anyway. So, okay, here's some of the things. All right, bear with me. I'm not trying to too my own horn, just trying to I'll get to the point and you'll see that I'm absolutely not to it in my own horn. Well, describe John's personality. I'll just read through some of the answers that I don't know who wrote these answers, though that's the cool thing, because it's purely anonymous. I just have a timestamp and the words they used. So describe John's personality. Fun, random, friendly, curious, creative, motivated, life experienced. Does that mean old, kidding, driven to learn new things with an inherent rebellious nature.

Yeah, that person knows me pretty good. Thoughtful, curious, easygoing, intelligent, quirky, energetic, informative, fun loving, intelligent, outgoing and confident, hard worker, thinks outside the box. Sounds positive but can go negative in a minute. Oh Yeah, that person definitely knows me. Outgoing, both smart and hilarious. See You, guys, I told you. Creative, charismatic, reliable, energetic, loyal, friendly and soothing. So those are all comments from the respondents of people that have known me since I was a kid and who know me continually. Now, okay, here's what's fucked up about it. That those all represent the person I want to be. Some like okay, but so I want people to see me as those things. However, I never think I'm portraying those things. I feel like it. Just no, I don't feel like that at all. I have really low self image and I can't believe that I'm actually projecting what I want to project. So there's both a really profound sadness that I'm actually I am kind of the person I hoped I was, and also I maybe I have been that way for a long time. When I just didn't know it. That's crazy. See, that means I've just been wasting opportunity. Of People think I'm this way. Maybe I should just be that way. Wild, physical present stuff is kind of boring. So relaxed and in inviting to conversation. I like that. Actually, nonintimidating, intelligent and extremely friendly, cool, strong presence. If John is in the room, you are probably interacting with him. Yeah, because I don't leave anybody alone. Welcoming Drummers, tapping, that is for sure. I self stem all the time. My Legs Rock in my footstep and ER my fingers. That happened. I probably drive most of the people that know me crazy with that one aspect of my behavior alone. I like this one. Welcoming, sexy, approachable. I don't know who answered at thirty seven in the morning and said sexy, but high five. Well groomed, distinguished and maintained, always aware, clean cut, looks healthy. Another healthy, inspiring word. I like it. Someone answered at four hundred and three in the morning. Inspiring. That's awesome, impressive, real. That's the way. I think. I put this on twitter. I went if I twitter followers snuck in there. So yeah, four hundred and three am. Inspiring, impressive, real, genuine, handsome, clean and relaxed. Cool, cool. Now I'm just starting to...

...curious what other answers four or three in the morning answered. Let's go up back to this one. Okay, so they said both smart and hilarious. All right, now, my vibe, but that was a little harder to define. But basically your vibe is the unspoken or the you know, the I don't even know how to say. It's the energy you bring into a room, which it's not. It's not smoke it. It's not spoken, you don't speak it out. or it's not the noise you make, of the clothes you wear. It just how you carry yourself, I guess. Anyway, that's a horrible description of it, but it was a better description in the survey monkey. The answer is tended out to be chill and easygoing creates, a creative with a let's get to work vibe, mentality, team guy, innovators vibe, cheerful yet mellow. He makes everyone feel like what they're saying is super interesting. Different vibe that beats to its own drum. Fun, easygoing. You know you're with the friend and ready for interesting conversation. Sometimes a heated debate if he can beat you enough. Yeah, that's actually true. Positive and peaceful, joyous. Someone thinks a vibe is joyous? God bless you. That's amazing. Next the one said gonna get a rolling looking to have fun. Positive, peaceful, always positive. He always has a smile and can get the room talking. Knowledgeable, welcoming. All right, cool. So that's my vibe, my physical presence and my personality as described by people who've known me since I was young and now that work with me on the Daytoday, and yet I don't see any of those traits. I aspire to be like that, but I don't feel like I'm achieving that. So really interesting. So why do I think that? Well, here I was looking up parental estrangement, like this is a running theme in my life because I missed my kids a lot and I'm like trying to research and like, why don't they talk to me, because I understand why. Well, you know, the situation, just TU TANS or whatever, but I once the situation and it like we are like living on top of each other and just just stressful. Man, three people and little apartment and in a new town and nobody had jobs and it was pretty fucking wild. Anyhow, now that that's over, I still don't hear from them. So I'm first I thought was something I did, and now it's starting to think it's just the way we've been programmed or what we've seen as examples in our prior lives and things like that, because in many ways, I was thinking back, I put my parents on the shitlist for, you know, a couple of years at a time too. I think my mom made it on my shitlist for maybe two years or so just because she didn't care. Well, she was on my shitlist for a long time when she kicked me out of the house, but up from like fourteen years old to about, I don't...

...know, my early s when I got married. But in my mind that was on her she kicked me out. So I'm like, I'm just trying to live and any time I'd ask for help, but I got none. So just kind of pointless and seemed to be just dragging me down. That reconciled. reconciled. Yeah, that reconciled and my mom was at my wedding and all that stuff and we talked. Now, in fact, I'm going back to California for the Christmas holiday and I'm excited about it. I'm so so they're and my dad and I. We've been estranged when, first of all, he just moved out on us, like my mom didn't kick him out, he left us and he basically went and started a new family and then eventually they got divorced after several years, but by this point it had been like ten, twelve years since he was in the bay area where we had lived. And Yeah, it was just a mess. So, you know, again he ended up coming to my wedding in my early S and we talked off and on. You know, it was about pretty comfortable relationship. Just talked on the phone a couple times a year whatever. Lived maybe two hundred miles away from each other and of course, since I had no real reason for estranging him, everything I thought was normal. Later, more recently, let's say, when I needed my truck, like I my SUV, it of the most, because I had just been let go from a job, surprisingly, oh, because I was being a whistleblower, and he had my my suv, up in Tahoe, like a few hundred miles from San Francisco where I'd lived, and long as short of it, he had put my truck in his name and refused to give it back to me when I needed it to move, to just get my shit, like basically try to steal my truck. He said he didn't, but regardless, if you keep something from somebody when they need it, it's effectively stealing. And he ended up, you know, never giving it back at my kids had to go get it from him, which is ridiculous to even involved them at all. So and he the okay, that's the thing. He never apologized for that. He had never acknowledged that what he did was nefarious or malicious. He just is clueless about the whole thing. So until he can figure out, you know, what he did wrong and he see all the emails back and forth, he was mad, Talking Shit about me, you know, making up psychiatric disorders that I don't have, you know, telling his friends, you know, he's not sure if he wants to kill me or not, you know, and the dudees x cop with a gun. So fuck all that, you know, until he comes right, comes correct and actually acknowledges what he's done and apologize for it, then yeah, he's on my shitlist and I think that's a valid reason I just don't need that in my life, and so with my kids. I just don't know what it is, but apparently on my research with parental alienation, which is when the divorce wars parent kind of poisons the kid against the other parent, that's one main...

...reason for being estranged, if you will. In other words, is not one thing I did. It just kind of a way they've been brought up. You know, it's funny when you hear the theme music. That's my what I call my brother, that's Ray, my let's call him brother Ray, and we've been close since the seventh grade when he was a drummer in the jazz band and school and I came in and I was an actual drummer, and so ray went back to trombone for a second. But in the interim there's a school talent show, so ray and I both played drums. Is like just two drummers doing drum Zell was together. That was our talent show and we fucking rock the whole like seventh grade, everyone loved it. The yeah, fucking great long story show. It's kind of like the van Halen Story. Ray picked up guitar and the rest of his history band he's a phenomenal guitar player. Well, so that's how close ray and I are to this day. We have a psychic connection. Even if we don't talk, we communicate. And so what happened a few years back, after all these years of my ex you know, swear and she didn't Talk Shit. Oh No, never see anything. No, right, of course that you know in your heart of hearts. The fuck is she's just lying to me right now, and she hell of Talk Shit. Well, my oldest son has a pretty unique name. It's not a weird name, but it's unique enough, especially for someone his age and raised niece started dating my son, my oldest son, and she was telling Ray when she went over to raise house. She goes, Oh, yeah, you know, my new boyfriend's Dad's a drug addict and does this talk and all this match shit. And they didn't take them long to put two and two together. When ray found out that his niece's boyfriend, I'm getting my terms confused, when his niece's boyfriend my son his name because, like I said, it's a unique name. I'm not going to say it on podcast, but anyway. So Ray said, blah, blah, blah, my last name. She goes yeah, so basically she's heard the whole story. So my ex used to talk mat shit about me to everybody that would listen. She just crafted this whole story. Well, of course my kids are in the mix of it all for their whole lives and they just don't know any better. And you could tell when I hear stories. They remember all the bad things. They don't remember all the fun times, like how many times, how many hikes and bike rides we went on on, how many concerts we went and how many nights I would, I mean every night I'd read them books, read them to bed, we'd play King of the ring on the mattresses, all that fun stuff. They don't seem to remember it. They remember just anything negative, like Oh, that time I broke my arm or that time you almost...

...drowned me or stuff like that. I like what? Okay. So, anyway, your environment directly affects how you see things and other people, and so that's how people become a stranged is, you know, through parental alienation and just small things that happen over time that if you think somebody is one way, then your brain has a hoyuristic mechanism inside of it that clumps everything to that ideal. For example, if I want to buy a Red Porsche, now I'm going to start seeing red porses everywhere I go. You wouldn't think there are that many of them, but they're everywhere. Once you think about that's the thing you want. That's the story I'm going with. I want a red porse. And the same thing goes with kids. If you're raised to believe that your father's a drug addict, asshole, blah, blah, blah. Well, every new story you're going to hear you're going to first compare to that story. Does it match? Yes, I'm going to stick it there. Does it not match? No, I'm going to discard it. So you know, I don't blame them at all for that because, you know, I explain minute ago I'd estranged my own parents for specific reasons and then made up. So what I'm hoping is that eventually they'll see that we're a strange for reasons that are no longer valid and maybe we can be a family again. So that's what I've learned it. It's kind of help mellow me out a bit the thought process this and also focusing more on the art right now, because I've always been an artist, like actual artists, like graphic designer artists and stuff like that, and I kind of tucked it aside. I never really thought like that was a valid way to make money. But it seems like the door might be open, so let's go through it, let's check out and FT's make some money, relax, get back into the swing of things and maybe not feel so mental. So I appreciate you for listening and I'm going to try to get some of these nft artists to come on the the probably won't come on as their real name or anything because, honestly, they're making so much money they're at risk, you know, for hackers or thieves and real life or whatever. That's how much money some of these folks can make. But some of their stories will amaze you because they sound just like me and you and that, you know, people always shut them down. They were never good enough. You try to submit work to a gallery, you get laughed at the whole thing. And now who's laughing? These motherfuckers, US motherfuckers like us, can now go make a money, make it the money with some artwork. So that's worth a shot. That's what I'm going to do. Thanks for listening and I look forward to hearing from you or talking to you next week. In the meantime, just keep living, and now back to the wall.

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